What types of debt do we consider unacceptable in a partner?
Would debt stop you from saying "I do"?
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You’ve got more than your credit score to worry about when under a pile of debt. Some 72% of Americans say they’d reconsider a romantic relationship because of another person’s debt, according to the latest findings from Finder.com. That means if you’re among the many Americans saddled with debt, you may be shrinking your pool of potential matches by roughly 182.8 million adults.
Kevin O’Leary, star of ABC’s Shark Tank and Founder of O’Leary Financial Group, seems to confirm our findings. We reached out to seek his expert advice on debt, love and the “money talk.”
O’Leary first discussed harsh truths of relationships. “The majority of unions break up,” he explains. “Marriages within five and seven years, 50 percent fail. Most people think it’s from infidelity. It isn’t. It’s from financial stress. Most marriages can survive infidelity, but they can’t survive financial stress. It’s an incompatible relationship financially.”
O’Leary suggests couples “set goals on a three- to five-year basis and agree on them,” adding, “If you express a financial interest in somebody on, let’s say, the third date or even the second date, that’s a sign you’re really interested in a future with that person.” He adds, “It can be a powerful aphrodisiac.”
How much is too much debt?
According to O’Leary, too much debt starts the second you have “the inability to support it.”
“What happens with people is they make the assumption that they can take on a student debt averaging $58,000 and then start buying crap and putting on $2,000-a-month worth of clothes,” O’Leary explains. “It’s a very simple task: If you’re servicing debt with more than one-third of your free cash flow after taxes from your salary, you’re going to fail. You’re in trouble.”
For the Americans surveyed by finder.com, too much depends on the type of debt and amount you owe. Of all debt, it appears the least “desirable” is credit card debt. However, while least desirable, the average credit card debt amount people say they find most unacceptable falls in the third lowest among all debts: $12,615.96.
Nevertheless, O’Leary is less discriminating. In his view, the type of deal-breaker debt for any relationship should be “any type of debt.”
“If you’re starting a union with someone, say, OK, how much student debt do you have?” — Cohost of ABC’s Shark Tank Kevin O’Leary
Interestingly, for those finder.com surveyed, student loans are in the second spot, with 52% saying this type of debt is unacceptable. The amount of education financing found unacceptable comes in at an average $48,761.15. This is particularly jarring, given two in five Americans graduate with student debt.
In third place is payday loan debts, with 49% of those surveyed saying these types of debts are unacceptable. However, payday loans come with the lowest threshold for the amount of debt considered acceptable: $4,885.52.
If you’ve ever been tempted to tell financial fibs, O’Leary says don’t. “You can’t lie about money,” he insists. “You have to be transparent about it, particularly in a relationship. You might as well fess up to it, because it’s going to come out one way or another. It always does. You can’t avoid it.”
The money talk can be difficult, but it’s a key discussion for any relationship. “People should realize in a relationship, there’s always a third person there. It’s called money. It’s always there. It’s sitting right beside you,” O’Leary says. “The best way to work with it is to have a good relationship with it, and not a secret one. Be open and transparent.”
O’Leary believes that “great financial pillars keep people together for their whole lives.”
Men and women accept debt differently
Overall, women are more likely than men to shy away from a romantic partnership if their paramour has debt. Men are more likely to hesitate if a partner owes either student loan or mortgage debt. However, women are more likely to take issue with debts related to payday loans, auto loans, personal loans, credit cards, medical bills and home equity loans.
Type of debt
% of women
% of men
Student loan
51%
52%
Mortgage
48%
50%
Payday loan
51%
47%
Auto loan
49%
48%
Family and friends
42%
42%
Personal loan
46%
45%
Credit card
56%
55%
Medical bill
46%
43%
Home equity loan
40%
39%
Business loan
39%
39%
There’s also disparity in how much debt is unacceptable. The highest amount considered unacceptable for men looking for a potential partner involves a business loan at $196,541.56. Whereas, the top figure for women is a partner with a mortgage of $272,995.37.
Gen Y don’t want no scrubs
It looks like Gen Y might be all about that paper, as they’re most likely to find all categories of debt unacceptable in a mate. Both student loan and credit card debt top their list, with 59% saying they’d steer clear of someone with this type of debt.
For the most part, Gen X and baby boomers flip-flop as most accepting generation of debt, though baby boomers are most open overall.
“My No. 1 piece of advice is talk about money. Talk about it. It matters. It helps you build a relationship with somebody. Don’t be scared to talk about money. Most people think it’s a turnoff. It isn’t. It’s absolutely a very positive thing when people are getting together. So that’s my No. 1 thing: Just be ready to talk about it. It’s not bad. It’s good for you.”
Past Unacceptable Partner Debt Stats
According to the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, household debt was at an all-time high between 2004 and the third quarter of 2017, when it totaled $12.96 trillion. This is an increase of $280 billion from 2008’s third-quarter peak during that year’s financial crisis.
Many different types of credit commitments contribute to overall household debt, and we weigh each differently according to how we prioritize their importance.
Attempting to dig deep into the details, finder.com surveyed 2,000 Americans to find out which types of debt we find most unacceptable in a partner.
Our survey revealed that of household debts, Americans find credit card debt most unacceptable in a partner — with 77.55% of our respondents saying debt on plastic is most distasteful. Payday loans closely followed at 77.35%.
Some 3 in 4 Americans may not fully appreciate the value a college degree can provide: 76.20% (about 187.14 million) name student loans an unacceptable debt, finding an average $51,000 in debt objectionable. (The good news is that only 1 in 4 students owes $43,000 or more in student loans, according to a 2016 report from the Pew Research Center.)
More Americans find it harder to accept a partner’s need to borrow money for medical purposes than they do for a business loan. Americans find business loans the most tolerable type of debt, with an estimated 70.90% considering borrowing for a business unacceptable in a partner, followed by home equity loans at 71.25% and medical bills at 72.20%.
Debt
Average amount considered unacceptable
Proportion of respondents who consider each debt unacceptable
Student loan
$51,000
76.20%
Mortgage
$305,745
72.85%
Payday loan
$1,830
77.35%
Auto loan
$27,298
72.55%
Family and friends
$6,092
73.95%
Credit card
$11,525
77.55%
Medical bill
$35,221
72.20%
Home equity loan
$77,193
71.25%
Personal loan
$25,905
72.80%
Business loan
$153,166
70.90%
Source: finder.com
Gender
When it comes to gender, there isn’t much difference between the types of debt each consider unacceptable in a partner. The top three most unacceptable debts for both genders are consistent: credit card, payday loans and student loans. The most accepted loans are again business loans, home equity loans, and medical bills, which for men tied with money owed to family and friends.
Debt
Proportion of women who consider each debt unacceptable
Proportion of men who consider each debt unacceptable
Student loan
75.69%
76.73%
Mortgage
72.35%
73.37%
Payday loan
77.06%
77.65%
Auto loan
72.35%
72.76%
Family and friends
75.49%
72.35%
Credit card
77.75%
77.35%
Medical bill
72.06%
72.35%
Home equity loan
71.27%
71.22%
Personal loan
72.65%
72.96%
Business loan
70.78%
71.02%
Source: finder.com
Generation
More baby boomers than any other generation consider all debts except student loans unacceptable in a partner. Whereas millennials are least tolerant of student loans, more than 4 in 5 of them consider it unacceptable in a partner.
Gen Xers appear the most tolerant generation when it comes to debt in any form. However, Gen X finds payday loans (74.67%) slightly more unacceptable than credit cards (74.01%). Baby boomers are consistent with the general population trend: 81.36% find credit cards most unacceptable, followed by payday loans (80.83%) and student loans (76.96%). The most unacceptable loans for millennials are student loans at 80.04%, credit cards at 77.19% and payday loans at 76.17%.
Debt
Proportion of baby boomers who consider each debt unacceptable
Proportion of Gen Xers who consider each debt unacceptable
Proportion of millennials who consider each debt unacceptable
Student loan
76.96%
72.96%
80.04%
Mortgage
75.23%
69.53%
74.34%
Payday loan
80.83%
74.67%
76.17%
Auto loan
75.63%
68.47%
74.13%
Family and friends
76.43%
70.71%
75.15%
Credit card
81.36%
74.01%
77.19%
Medical bill
76.17%
68.34%
72.10%
Home equity loan
74.97%
66.75%
72.51%
Personal loan
76.30%
68.60%
73.93%
Business loan
74.30%
66.49%
72.51%
Source: finder.com
Methodology We calculated these figures from an November 2018 survey of 2,035 American adults commissioned by finder.com and conducted by global research provider Pureprofile.
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